


How Kingdom Hearts II Should Have Ended

by WilyGryphon



Series: Kingdom Hearts HISHE [3]
Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Gen, HISHE Homage, Superhero Café, Villain Pub, how it should have ended
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:41:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27463585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WilyGryphon/pseuds/WilyGryphon
Summary: Inspired by the HISHE videos and Spiderfan626, a scripted parody depicting alternate endings of the third (second numbered) Kingdom Hearts game.
Relationships: Clark Kent & Bruce Wayne, Donald Duck & Goofy & Sora (Kingdom Hearts), Kairi & Riku & Sora (Kingdom Hearts), Maleficent & Pete (Kingdom Hearts)
Series: Kingdom Hearts HISHE [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1710538
Kudos: 3





	How Kingdom Hearts II Should Have Ended

**Author's Note:**

> Shout out to Disney and Square Enix for making this fantasmic game series, the How It Should Have Ended crew for the hilarious and awesome videos that I am homaging here, and Spiderfan626 for the chain of fanfiction stories with this premise, from which the bulk of my inspiration came from. I hope you enjoy and get a good laugh.
> 
> If you haven't already, please be sure to check out my first two installments in this series, "How Kingdom Hearts Should Have Ended" and "How Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories Should Have Ended".

Ansem-Riku and DiZ discuss the events of Day 5 and Sora’s restoration.

Ansem-Riku: I’ve waited, and I want to know. What is it that you want?

DiZ: Revenge.

Ansem-Riku: Revenge…

DiZ: Now, for the finishing touches. [Tense music swells up.] First, we must dispose of Naminé. Take care of it, Ansem.

[The tense music cuts off abruptly.]

Ansem-Riku: No.

DiZ: What?

Ansem-Riku: I’m not killing her.

DiZ: Pretty please.

Ansem-Riku: No.

DiZ: Okay, fine.

HOW KINGDOM HEARTS II SHOULD HAVE ENDED

Greeting Philoctetes in Olympus Coliseum.

Phil: Hey, if it ain’t the junior heroes!

Sora: Lookin' good, Phil.

Phil: Never better! How you guys been? Have you earned your “true hero” wings, yet?

Sora: Um, well, we defeated the guy who’s been swallowing the worlds in darkness and closed the Door to Darkness and restored all of the worlds that were lost.

Phil: Okay, those are some nice feats.

Sora: I also sacrificed myself and removed my own heart to save my friend whose heart was inside me and was in a coma. And I gave up what seemed to be my only chance to return home with her to go find and save my other friend.

Phil: Wow. You really went the distance there, kid. Welcome to the True Heroes club.

Sora grins and folds his hands behind his head. Donald and Goofy pat him on the back and flex.

Phil: Sorry, pals. You two are still junior heroes.

Donald and Goofy deflate, disappointed.

FFWD>>

Ariel cries in the Undersea Courtyard after her father destroys the statue of Prince Eric. Ursula appears in a cloud of ink, eager to make a deal.

Ursula: Ariel, you poor dear.

Ariel: You—!

Ursula: That’s right, angelfish. You looked so miserable, so I just had to come and help you.

Ariel: What, you think I forgot about the last time you were here, when you used me to hurt my father and attack Atlantica with the Heartless? No matter how emotionally vulnerable I may be, I’m not falling for your tricks again! SORA!

Sora, Donald and Goofy appear, weapons at the ready.

Sora: Ursula?! I thought she was dead.

Donald: Don’t worry about that now. Let’s get her!

Ursula screamed in terror as Sora, Ariel, Donald, and Goofy attacked her.

FFWD>>

Sora and Kairi talk to Roxas and Naminé on the Altar of Naught.

Sora: Hey, Naminé. You know, I’ve been reading these “Secret Ansem Reports” that Ansem the Wise left lying around the worlds for some reason, and his notes on you are pretty interesting.

Roxas: How so?

Sora: He said that, because Kairi is a Princess of Heart and she didn’t have a Heartless, she shouldn’t have been able to make a Nobody of her own.

Kairi: That’s weird. I don’t really get how all this works, but I think you’re right.

Sora pulled the report sheets out to show to his friends.

Sora: He thought that you were created when I used the Keyblade of Hearts on myself, and that the body and soul that you were made from came from… me.

Roxas: What? What does that even mean?

Kairi [flustered]: Naminé’s my Nobody, but she was made from you?

Sora [also flustered]: So, uh, if you think of it one way, it almost sounds like that means…

Kairi: Naminé is… technically… our kid?

An awkward silence fell over them. Sora, Kairi, Roxas, and Riku (who was still there, just uninvolved in the conversation at hand) all bore similar expressions of shock and confusion.

Naminé [cheerfully]: And Sora’s the mom!

<<RWD

Sora, Donald and Goofy check up on the Hollow Bastion Restoration Committee as they work on rebuilding after the siege. In the establishing shot, construction and cleanup crews can be seen in the foreground.

Sora: So if I fight the Heartless, I’d just be giving the Organization what they want.

Leon: Hmm… You said that any Heartless slain by the _Keyblade_ will add to their Kingdom Hearts, correct?

Sora: Yeah.

Leon: No other weapon?

Goofy: Uh, I don’t think so. Otherwise, they wouldn’t need a Keyblade wielder.

Leon picks a sword up and hands it to Sora.

Leon: Well, if you can’t use your Keyblade, then you’ll just have to use a different weapon.

Sora swung the sword a few times, testing it out.

Leon: It’s the same material as my Gunblade and Cloud’s sword, so it should cut through Heartless just as well as the Keyblade. Then, when the Organization’s been defeated, you can go back to using a Keyblade without having to worry about fueling their Kingdom Hearts.

Sora: Sweet! Thanks, Leon! [Continues to swing the sword like he usually does.]

Leon: <sigh> But I wish you wouldn’t swing it like a club.

FFWD>>

Sora, Riku, Donald, and Goofy face off against Armored Xemnas, who is sitting on his throne in the dragon ship the first time.

Riku: So, uh, you going to get up and fight?

Xemnas: Fight, yes. Get up… It’s not my time yet.

Sora: What’s that even supposed to mean?

Xemnas: Plus, my legs are asleep.

Sora: You’re weird, Xemnas.

BUT THIS IS HOW IT REALLY SHOULD HAVE ENDED

Floating high in the air, Xemnas beseeches the damaged Kingdom Hearts to grant him more power. Suddenly, he is smacked out of the air with a flyswatter and lands on the Altar of Naught. Everyone looks around and sees a giant blue flyswatter with a grinning face floating in midair. The flyswatter transforms into the Genie.

Xemnas: What? How?

Genie: My pal Sora gave me a ring.

Sora holds up the Summon Charm that he received after defeating Volcanic Lord and Blizzard Lord to clarify the means by which he did so.

Sora: Hey, me using the Summons is canon.

Genie: [Turns into a Thwomp hovering above Xemnas] Now it looks like you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Xemnas: Wait! You’re a Genie! You can’t kill anyone!

Genie: Except when a Nobody and a Heartless die, their Somebody will come back. Make a note of that, kids. Loophole, baby!

Genie drops, flattening Xemnas like a pancake.

Riku: Well, I guess that takes care of that.

Sora: Thanks for the assist, Genie.

Genie[in his normal form]: No problemo, my anime-headed compadre. Let me know next time you’re in Agrabah. [Disappears in a cloud of blue smoke]

Mickey: We should probably make a note of that bit he said about a person becoming whole again after their Heartless and Nobody have been defeated.

Goofy: So, now that the Organization’s been defeated, what do we do next?

Kairi: Let’s all finally go home.

Donald: Sounds like a plan.

Riku: I’ll open a path.

He tries to open a Corridor of Darkness, but fails.

Mickey: You don’t belong to the darkness anymore, Riku.

Sora: There’s a Save Point right over there. We can just beam up to the Gummi Ship and fly back home.

Mickey: Oh, right.

Sora punches commands into the Gummi remote, and the ship appears high above them. It beams them aboard. Naminé and Pluto run up to the Altar.

Naminé: Wait! Don’t leave us behind!

They are beamed up as well.

Naminé: Thanks, guys.

Riku: No problem, Naminé. It’s a good thing you came up when you did.

Sora: So, you’re Naminé? There’s something I need to say to you.

Naminé: Hm?

Sora: Thank you. Not just for putting our memories back together, but for finding out about King Mickey’s Keyblade wielder friends, sticking by Riku, and helping Kairi out.

Naminé: You’re welcome.

The Gummi Ship flies through the stars. As it approaches the camera, Superman appears and spray paints a smiley face on the front. Jump cut to the Superhero Café, where Sora, Riku, Kairi, Mickey, Donald, and Goofy are sitting at a three-sided booth between Superman and Batman. Roxas and Naminé appear as phantoms behind Sora and Kairi.

Donald [annoyed]: Seriously?

Superman: What? That’s the thing. You save the day, fly out into space, and smile for the camera. I was just helping you with that last part.

Goofy: Well, the ship’s powered by smiles anyway, so we probably had that covered.

Batman: Hold on. That’s actually canon?!

Mickey: Yep. It’s kind of the Disney thing.

Riku: But I suppose you can stick to your Batplane and your Javelin. They’re cool too, I guess.

Superman: Oh, snap!

Batman: Like Zod’s neck.

Superman: Ugh, I am so tired of that. What was I supposed to do, huh? I didn’t have any batarangs to throw at him.

Sora: You are aware that I’ve killed some of my enemies when it was necessary, right? Can’t exactly say I’m proud of it, but it happened.

Riku: Would you like it better if it was manslaughter?

Superman: So, uh, anyway, hey, where’d Naminé go?

Kairi: Oh, she fused back with me. Just like Roxas fused back with Sora.

Superman: Are you sure that’s alright? I mean, it sounds like now they’re just riding backseat in your bodies.

Naminé [pokes her head out]: It’s alright. It was my choice.

Roxas [also poking his head out]: And it’s not so bad in here. Sora’s not the worst guy to have for a heartmate.

Riku: That would be Ansem—erm, Xehanort.

Mickey: Speaking of which, we should probably prepare for his return. He’s sure to cause all sorts of trouble once he’s himself again.

Batman: Speaking of your enemies, what ever happened to Maleficent and Pete?

Kairi: Good question. We haven’t seen them since their standoff against the Heartless swarm.

At the Villain Pub, Maleficent and Pete sit at the bar, served by Emperor Palpatine and flanked by Loki and Voldemort.

Maleficent: So we conquered Xemnas’ stronghold!

Pete: It was pretty easy once everyone else had already been defeated by the goody-two-shoes. But we’re still trying to regain control of the Heartless.

Loki: I can’t believe that the Organization just ripped the Heartless right out from under you!

Voldemort: It certainly didn’t help that most of your forces were vanquished by that Keybearer and his friends.

Loki: You had an army and lost it all in one battle! In part to the resistance of less than a dozen people and in part to a cheap trick that one guy pulled at the last minute.

Voldemort: I see that gives you flashbacks.

Maleficent: Nevertheless, we will rebuild our resources. Even if we have to sit out the next few crises, we will return from the background and I will get my revenge on Sora, and the world will see why I am the MISTRESS OF ALL EVIL!

…

Palpatine: Refill?

Maleficent: Certainly.

Pete: I’ll have some shots.

Back at Superhero Café

Superman: Do you think we should be worried?

Batman: I’m not worried. I’m Batman.

Mickey: [shrugs] We’ll keep an ear to the ground. Right now, we have other business to attend to, now that our more pressing problems have been dealt with for the moment.

Riku: You mean your missing friends?

Mickey: Yep. Not everyone’s problems went away with Xemnas’ defeat. But according to Master Yen Sid, you’ll need some more training before we can go help them.

Batman: So I guess that, even though you beat the bad guy and returned home with your friends, the mission isn’t over, huh?

Sora: So what? There’s another chapter in our story. Big deal. What matters is that we’re together again. Whatever happens, we’ll face it together, side by side.

Kairi: Yeah. No one’s staying behind as long as a friend needs them. Wherever any of us go, the others will follow.

Batman: Uh, no offense, but are you sure you will be alright out there? You don’t have training like your friends. Are you sure you won’t end up getting, ahem, Gwe— [he cuts himself off when Andrew Garfield!Spider-Man glares at him through the window]… I mean… Rachel’ed? Or Vicki’ed? Or L—

Superman: Have you seen Lois in a fight? She got herself off of Zod’s ship mostly on her own.

Batman: I was going to say Lana.

Superman: Fair enough.

Kairi: Well, maybe I can only take on a few Shadows now, but I can get stronger. After all, I have a Keyblade now. [Summons her Keyblade and holds it up to show everyone]

Superman, Batman, Sora, Donald, Goofy, & Mickey: SAY WHAAAAAAAT?!

Thor [from the next booth over]: Sayeth WHAAAAAAAT?!

Mordo [taking Thor’s order]: Oh, come on!

THE END


End file.
